Back come the crab grass and the patchy fields greased with goose poop. Effective immediately, no more pesticides on public school grounds.

“I know, I know,” said Councilwoman Tucker Murphy, the reluctant chair of the pesticide subcommittee, as she reported the plan to comply with state law to her shrugging colleagues during their monthly meeting Wednesday night.

The ban was enacted in 2007, but towns were given until July 1, 2009 to phase chemicals out of their pest management plans. Now if there’s a wasp nest under the monkey bars you can take it out with a broom, but the principal’s going to have to notify the parents and get approval from the Health Director if you want to attack it with Raid®. And goose repellent, well, you can just forget about that.  

“I’ve walked these fields and there’s so much geese crap,” said Councilman Steve Karl, “That’s gotta be toxic.”

“Shoot ‘em,” offered Councilman Ken Campbell as an “organic” solution. 

“Strike that from the record,” replied Murphy, but it was too late. 

Smooth green fields (grass green, not poop green) are serious business around here, and the sizable population of Canada geese is a serious threat. So serious in fact that there’s a proposed ordinance that would impose a $90 fine on anybody caught feeding the geese (or the ducks or swans for that matter). Discussion of that ditty was tabled until May to give the public more time to think over whether or not to let their unwanted crutons and half-eaten PB&Js go to the birds.

Just so you know, the Nature Center says feeding bread to birds will turn them into junk food junkies and there’s no line item in the town budget for rehab.